I'll Be Happy When...

“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.”
1 Timothy 6:6-7 NIV

Lying on the couch looking up at the ceiling, it was late, and a very quiet night. I was talking to God, my steady friend. As I scanned the living room my thoughts drifted to how excited I was to buy my home several years ago, and now I was in the process of trying to sell it. Things change. Some days it feels like everything changes. I’ve come to learn in this life that so many things I wanted and even received didn’t bring lasting happiness or contentment. A job, a house, a mate, and children are all important things in life. However, the lists of things I have a tendency to equate with “I’ll be happy when,” really don’t bring permanent satisfaction. It’s not that I’m never happy, I’m happy most days. But I know I can’t be the only one that almost inadvertently has that,”to do” list in my mind. The list of things I want in my life and secretly feel like if I can just “have that” then I’ll be satisfied. And when I’m not careful I let that goal oriented part of me control my actions and my mindset about how happy I feel. I’ve been blessed to have received many of those things I longed for and thought would be the gateway to ultimate happiness, only to find out once the newness wears off I am still left searching. I truly believe that the only relentless thing in my life is God. Where I live and where I work may change. People that I love dearly will one day pass away. But my God will remain. When I’m focused on Him I’m truly content, when I take my eyes off of Him that’s when I start to long for other things and falsely believe they will fill me.

Abraham Lincoln once said,” Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” I’m learning more and more every day to try to live in the present. To not let stress, anxiety, or my planning nature dictate my happiness. Even though I often try to de-throne God with my control-freak ways, He is managing my life. I’m learning to trust Him to do it, without standing in the way. Contentment is for me now, not later, if I will let God be my source no matter the circumstances.

Perfect Love

*Spoiler Alert* If you don't want to know what happens in the Disney movie Frozen!

I recently went to the movie theater to watch the latest Disney flick, Frozen.  I admit that even at thirty-two years old I still love cartoons.  Anyway I really enjoyed this movie, the whole theme centers around two princesses Elsa, the eldest, and her little sister Anna.  Elsa was enchanted from birth with the ability to freeze anything; she can make beautiful ice structures and snow with the flip of a hand.  So when they were children Anna loved it when Elsa would make winter wonderlands inside of their castle.  But one night when they were playing, Elsa accidentally hit Anna in the head with some of her ice making magic and it nearly killed the younger child.  After the king and queen frantically called upon a troll to help save the life of little Anna, Elsa was terrified of harming her sister again.  So her parents shut up the castle and Elsa stayed in her room most of her life while trying to learn to control her ever growing powers.  Elsa’s magic was hidden from everyone, even her little sister Anna’s memory of it had been wiped clean.  Elsa’s life became one of secrecy, loneliness, and fear.  While Anna grew up with openness, was happy, and full of love.

To make a long story short there comes a plot twist where Anna has been accidentally struck again with Elsa’s magic and her heart is becoming frozen.  The only way she will survive is to find a sacrificial act of love.  Of course Anna’s first thoughts are that she must get back to the kingdom to kiss her fiancé that has been left behind.  But when she reaches the palace she finds that she has been double crossed by the fiancé, he never really loved her.  So the way to live would now have to come through a kiss from another man that had been helping her find her sister in the wilderness, he was really her true love.  As these two loves try to fight through the winter storm to find each other while time is running out for Anna, her ex fiancé is about to kill her sister Elsa.  Anna jumps in front of Elsa to save her life as the last breaths leave her frozen body.  She saves her sister but is frozen into an ice statue.  In classic Disney form, just when you think it is over, Anna begins to thaw.  Anna sacrificed her own life out of love for her sister, the spell has been broken.  Start the music and they lived happily ever after.

I really valued this story! I immediately thought about what the bible says about love.  “Perfect love drives out fear.” (1 John 4:8)  This cartoon was an illustration of how fear takes over everything; we can lose control and our peace when led by fear.  I noticed how when we try to isolate because we think we need to protect ourselves or others it doesn't help anything, we just grow colder inside.  Relationships with others are needed to enrich our lives.  Love is absolutely essential to conquer all of the struggles we will face.  I also enjoyed the part in the story about how the love between the sisters is what broke the spell, of course there was a romantic love interest in the storyline too, but it shows there are so many forms of love in our lives that are important.  Many times people want to make love into only a romantic form, but God commands us to love everyone.  There are so many wonderful relationships in our lives that need our love, attention, and sometimes sacrifice. 

Are we letting God’s perfect love dispel all of our fears?  Are we allowing other people to have true and meaningful relationships with us?  Are we trying to hold onto our lives instead of letting them go (Luke 17:33) for a greater purpose, sacrificing for others and God? 

You may think,” that’s an awful lot of stuff to get from just a cartoon!”  What can I say? When you have been saved by a loving God everything takes on a new meaning and He can be found everywhere.  I’m grateful He always makes Himself known!

To Fast Or Not To Fast, That Is The Question

I remember several years back when I was fairly new to the idea of fasting; I was really struggling to follow through.  One thing you must know about me is I am an absolute sucker for brownies and chocolate chip cookies; they are very high on my list of favorite things in life.  So keeping that in mind, I was sitting at work during one of my water only days and I was STARVING.  My coworker sitting across from me pulls out a plastic container of…chocolate chip cookies.  My body is screaming, GIVE ME COOKIE!  But my mind was in control so when she asked if I would like one I said,” No thank you” and continued staring at the computer screen.  As most of you probably know, one of the important factors of fasting is to try your best to keep it private because it really is just between you and God.  So imagine my dismay when after about five minutes of my coworker savoring the cookies in front of me, she says “Are you sure you don’t want any?”  You see, this particular coworker is what I like to call a “food pusher”, very similar to a drug pusher, she wants you to have just a little bit.  And please know this is something I’ve told her to her face, she understands the implications.  She wants you to eat with her.  She needs you to eat with her.  Once again, I politely said, “No thank you.”  But the last straw came when she actually took the container of cookies and pushed them closer to me and said,” Eat one.”  I lost it.  “I’m fasting and I can’t have a cookie!” I say exasperated.  Her eyes got so wide and she started apologizing.  Of course I felt a little guilty for spilling the beans but my will power was sinking, I did what I had to do for self-preservation.  Plus I don’t think smacking my coworker over some cookies would have been in line with my fasting purposes!  From what I understand God doesn’t like that kind of behavior so…

The church I have been attending is starting a 21 day “Daniel Fast” this week.  I thought it was really encouraging for the church itself to ask members to fast corporately, they’ve also set up several special prayer services during the fasting period.  This is something that you see happening during the month of January at churches all across the country.  I myself have never successfully completed a 21 day Daniel fast; I started one several years back and didn’t make it through the whole 21 days.  But I just wanted to take a minute and encourage other Christians to fast, it is most certainly not a topic I am an expert on but over the last several years I have tried several versions.  Fasting is mentioned throughout the Old and New Testament.  It went hand and hand with prayer.  You don’t have to start out doing a long fast like the Daniel one, if you are new to the spiritual discipline start small.  Go one day without food and just water.  Give up caffeine for a week.  Drink only liquids and no food.  The possibilities are limitless.  The main part is where your heart is, the purpose of a fast is to draw nearer to God and seek Him through prayer.  If you take the spiritual portion of the fast out, then you are just on some type of radical diet.  Fasting is a SPIRITUAL thing.   Two great books you should check out that I have read are “Fasting” by Jentezen Franklin, and “The Daniel Fast” by Susan Gregory.  The Franklin book is great because he goes into the scriptural reasons for a fast and gives you examples of different types of fasts.  The Gregory book really gives a lot of good information on what you can and cannot eat on specifically the Daniel fast, also tons of recipes. 

Just like the salvation experience, it is hard to describe fasting to someone who has never done it.  While fasting I have felt so much closer to God.  During those times of fasting it brought to my attention that I spend a lot of time thinking about food and planning around my next meal, fasting takes that physical need and puts it behind the spiritual.  I felt more awake spiritually.  I also have had many breakthroughs in prayer; I have had answers come to prayers I had been praying for months during my time of fasting.  The story in Matthew 17 where the father of a boy who was possessed by a demon asked Jesus’ disciples to help his son and the disciples could not.  Jesus cast the demon out and when the disciples asked Jesus why they couldn’t Jesus replied, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.  However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.” (Matt 17:20-21 NKJV)  One could argue that some answers only come through prayer AND fasting like this incident from scripture.  

So as we continue into this New Year please consider trying a fast, what would it hurt?  I promise you that you will find out exactly what I am talking about when you make the effort to get to know God more.  No, it’s not about showing everyone how “good” of a Christian you are, or trying to “trick” God into giving you something you want.  It should be a sincere, humbling, and private time of seeking out your Creator.  Best wishes to those of you on your fast and Happy New Year!  

Sharing A Resource For Worriers

I love to read, I usually have multiple books started at any given time.  One book I have been reading is Dale Carnegie's "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living."  For someone that reads a lot, I admit, there are many books that I glance over and they don't bring about any profound change to my life.  This book however has really been giving me a fresh perspective on life and if I can internalize it, could really bring about lasting change.  I want to encourage other people to read it, if you have problems with worrying and over-analyzing like I do I hope it could help you like it is helping me.  Also with a new year starting I wanted to share this excerpt I found from the book called Just For Today, I made a copy of it and hung it where I can see it every day.  It is a very wise little poem. 

JUST FOR TODAY

Sibyl F. Partridge

1. Just for today I will be happy. This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true that, "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." Happiness is from within; it is not a matter of externals.

2. Just for today I will try to adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come and fit myself to them.

3. Just for today I will take care of my body. I will exercise it, care for it, nourish it, not abuse it nor neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my bidding.

4. Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought, and concentration.

5. Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. I will do at least two things I don't want to do, as William James suggests, "just for exercise."

6. Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with praise, criticize not at all, nor find fault with anything, and not try to regulate nor improve anyone.

7. Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not to tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do things for twelve hours that would appall me if I have to keep them up for a lifetime.

8. Just for today I will have a program. I will write down what I expect to do every hour.  I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. It will eliminate two pests - hurrying and indecision.

9. Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. In this half hour, sometimes, I will think of God so as to get a little more perspective into my life.

10. Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially, I will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy what is beautiful, to love, and to believe that those I love, love me.

The Bloomer Blues

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud as mom relayed the story to me about my little cousin’s Christmas morning.    Apparently as the six year old began to open up her pile of presents on Christmas day the first package she came across didn’t quite meet her expectations.  “You have got to be kidding me? BLOOMERS!” the little blonde said in disgust before she went on to the “good” stuff that was hidden in the rest of the presents.  In case any of you need an education on Southern lingo, bloomers is another word we use for underwear, or if you want to get even fancier…panties.  When I thought and laughed about her reaction I could relate.  Who really wants bloomers for Christmas?  But I know that there are things called necessities in life and unless something drastically changes in my world I need bloomers.  Her parents knew she needed them too, so they threw them in along with the toys and the fun stuff.  In my life there are so many times I don’t ask God to give me the necessities. If I’m being honest, most of the time when I ask God for things, I want the “good” stuff!  The exciting stuff! I don’t often pray for my daily bread, for clothes on my back, and shoes on my feet.  I live in America where those things are taken for granted every day, they are expected.  The fast food mentality, “give me what I want and give it to me now.” Waiting is not an option.

I have a tendency to ask for the exciting and miraculous things.  Which isn’t inherently bad, there just needs to be balance.  I am to trust Him in all things.  Just like a loving parent, God sometimes chooses to give me what I need not what I want.  He gives me things I didn’t ask for versus the things I do.  Just like a child I can become self-centered and have a “hissy fit” until I can regain my composure realizing God knows more about what I should have and when, than I do.  He is sovereign, I am not.  When I start getting an attitude problem receiving the necessities from God I know I need to check myself because I may have gotten too big for my bloomers!  Have a great week!

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  James 1:17 NIV

Don't Let Grief Overwhelm Your Life

Thursday December 23, 2010 started out as an exciting day for me.  I woke up with the anticipation of a Christmas dinner I had planned for my friends that evening.   This had been a year of many changes for me, I had recently closed on my first home in October and this dinner was the start of what I hoped to be a new Christmas tradition.  The idea of hosting a gathering was exhilarating for me and I spent the day cooking, decorating, and preparing my home to feel warm and inviting.  Halfway through the day things got even better, my best friend called me chattering so fast and squealing with delight.  I couldn’t understand a word of what she was exclaiming, I had to ask her three times to repeat herself and slow down.  Then it came through, her boyfriend had asked her to marry him!  They were engaged!  This day couldn’t get any better!

The time for the dinner came; I shared such a wonderful time with my newly engaged friends, along with another close friend, her husband, and little girl.  We enjoyed great food and fellowship. 

As the time approached for me to say good bye to them all, my heart felt so full.  I was blissful that the dinner went so well and was thankful for the time spent with those that I loved.  I was thrilled about my best friend’s engagement.   I was grateful to God for the moments like these that made life good. 

 Then the unexpected phone call came.  Mom called to say my cousin Crystal was being rushed to the emergency room after collapsing at her home. All within a matter of minutes, disbelief turned to frustration, frustration turned to fear, fear turned to prayer.  I thought she would be okay, but then as I processed it all I thought, she could die.  I prayed, I asked others to pray and I jumped in the car to drive from Christiansburg to Pulaski trying to fight back the panic.  I didn’t get far before mom called me back, Crystal didn’t make it.  My world turned upside down and I couldn’t accept what I was hearing, she was only twenty nine years old.  She couldn’t be gone forever. I had never felt such grief in my entire life; I won’t go into the details about what followed that phone call except to say it was horrible.  I now knew what it was like to have your day go from wonderful to earth shattering, within just a matter of hours. 

It’s been three years since that day.  My family and I will never be the same.  Just like so many other families we know the pain of loss and also when it happens around the holidays.  For many people holidays are just another reminder of what has been lost and that there is an empty seat at the dinner table.  And until you have experienced it, there are no words to adequately describe the grief.  What I have learned is people grieve differently and that grief has an important place in the healing process.

In my time of grief and contemplating life I needed God’s comfort and wisdom. He provided.  There were times I had good old fashioned “pity parties.” He was there.  I let myself have moments of despair and hopelessness, where I questioned everything.  I even questioned God.  He let me. 

As I emerged from the other side, I realized several things.  There is nothing more important than where I spend eternity.  Death can happen so quickly no matter what age, would I be ready if it happened today?  Do I have the assurance of being with Jesus in heaven when that day comes for me?  What about the ones I love, have I shared the gospel with them?  Have I told them about the saving grace of God and have they had the opportunity to know Him?  Do I love those around me well?  Do they know I love them? 

For those that will pass on that have a relationship with Christ, I can be comforted in knowing that in heaven ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Rev 21:4)

I found that going through this was a training ground for me to be able to comfort someone else.  Not very long after my cousin passed away, one of my dear friends lost her husband to a tragic accident, he too was only twenty nine.  I have no doubt in my mind that the lessons I learned through my own grief enabled me to be a better comforter to her when she needed someone.

The final lesson took me a while to really grasp, years actually.  Crystal loved me and because of that love she would want the best for me.  She would want me to be happy.  She would want me to remember her but not in a depressing way, she would want me to laugh and remember the good times we all shared.  She would never want her death to be the cause of me not living life to the fullest, becoming hopeless, and dwelling too much on the past. 

So this Christmas season I just want to share with you that it does get better.  No of course it never goes away, you don’t just “get over” losing someone you love.  You just get a little tougher and press forward.  You learn to cope with it.  The things I’ve shared are what have made me stronger through the grief.  As I said everyone’s grief is different, I don’t claim to know exactly how someone else feels.  But my sincere hope for sharing this story is to comfort and encourage those of you that may be suffering right now. Don’t waste your life by letting grief overwhelm you. I believe God and our lost loved ones want us to truly live and do so with joy while we are on earth.  If you can’t find the strength to do it for yourself right now, do it for them.  I hope each of you have a blessed Christmas and make many more beautiful memories with the friends and family you have, please don’t take life for granted. 

Your Tongue Reveals Your Heart, Not Your Intentions

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.  With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.  Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.  Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?  My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.  James 3:7-12 NIV

I can’t believe I said that.  I told myself before I left the house today that I was going to do better at watching what I say.  And THAT just came out of my mouth. 

Those thoughts have gone through my mind more times than I can count.  I start my day with the best of intentions, with a desire to say and do the right things and then I get in a situation where my tongue gets out of control.  It happens so quickly sometimes, I’ve always been a blunt person and often times I don’t give my brain enough time to filter what comes out of my mouth.  The words found in James chapter one about being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, seem far away when I’m caught up in the moment. 

I wish that self-control was the only reason this predicament happens but there is a much deeper root tied to what comes out of my mouth.  Luke 6:45 says,” A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”  The core issue is a matter of the heart.  If problems exist on the inside they will come spilling to the surface.  Bitterness, anger, jealousy, selfish ambition, unforgiveness, pride, lust, negativity, criticism, you name it, it will not stay hidden.  I don’t have the power in my own strength to hide those heart problems.  I can’t help but notice in James 3:7-8 the indication that humans have been able to tame all kinds of beasts but never the tongue.  The tongue can only be tamed by my Divine helper, the only One that can transform my heart. 

The unfortunate thing about being a Christian who is failing to control my words is how it affects my credibility to those around me.  My tongue reveals my heart, not my intentions. Many people in this world expect Christians to appear perfect in word and deed, anything less is to be labeled a hypocrite.  That is an unattainable standard that would require perfection.  Besides Jesus there has never been a sinless person that has walked this earth. I often wish that people knew my true intentions the way God does, but all they can see is what is on the outside.  All they hear are the words I immediately feel convicted over saying and wish I could take back. Does this mean I just throw my hands up and not try?  Of course not!  I should always be concerned about the impression I am making and how I am representing Christ to the world.  The bible says I am to work out my own salvation.  I am to continually grow in stature to get closer and closer to the fullness that is IN Christ, so that others may be drawn to Him through my example. 

Brothers and sisters do not become discouraged with this struggle of the heart!  Spiritual warfare is a daily battle, make up your mind to fight it with perseverance.  At no point does scripture say that life is going to be easy with no sacrifices.  Rely on God and His word to continue to transform your heart so that your words become more and more conformed to Christ. Just because you fail at something doesn’t mean you are a failure! Keep trying every day.  Knowing that while other people cannot possibly see what is inside of you, God does, He loves you, and is there to forgive as many times as you need Him to. 

“They gave our Master a crown of thorns. Why do we hope for a crown of roses?”  Martin Luther