Don't Let Grief Overwhelm Your Life

Thursday December 23, 2010 started out as an exciting day for me.  I woke up with the anticipation of a Christmas dinner I had planned for my friends that evening.   This had been a year of many changes for me, I had recently closed on my first home in October and this dinner was the start of what I hoped to be a new Christmas tradition.  The idea of hosting a gathering was exhilarating for me and I spent the day cooking, decorating, and preparing my home to feel warm and inviting.  Halfway through the day things got even better, my best friend called me chattering so fast and squealing with delight.  I couldn’t understand a word of what she was exclaiming, I had to ask her three times to repeat herself and slow down.  Then it came through, her boyfriend had asked her to marry him!  They were engaged!  This day couldn’t get any better!

The time for the dinner came; I shared such a wonderful time with my newly engaged friends, along with another close friend, her husband, and little girl.  We enjoyed great food and fellowship. 

As the time approached for me to say good bye to them all, my heart felt so full.  I was blissful that the dinner went so well and was thankful for the time spent with those that I loved.  I was thrilled about my best friend’s engagement.   I was grateful to God for the moments like these that made life good. 

 Then the unexpected phone call came.  Mom called to say my cousin Crystal was being rushed to the emergency room after collapsing at her home. All within a matter of minutes, disbelief turned to frustration, frustration turned to fear, fear turned to prayer.  I thought she would be okay, but then as I processed it all I thought, she could die.  I prayed, I asked others to pray and I jumped in the car to drive from Christiansburg to Pulaski trying to fight back the panic.  I didn’t get far before mom called me back, Crystal didn’t make it.  My world turned upside down and I couldn’t accept what I was hearing, she was only twenty nine years old.  She couldn’t be gone forever. I had never felt such grief in my entire life; I won’t go into the details about what followed that phone call except to say it was horrible.  I now knew what it was like to have your day go from wonderful to earth shattering, within just a matter of hours. 

It’s been three years since that day.  My family and I will never be the same.  Just like so many other families we know the pain of loss and also when it happens around the holidays.  For many people holidays are just another reminder of what has been lost and that there is an empty seat at the dinner table.  And until you have experienced it, there are no words to adequately describe the grief.  What I have learned is people grieve differently and that grief has an important place in the healing process.

In my time of grief and contemplating life I needed God’s comfort and wisdom. He provided.  There were times I had good old fashioned “pity parties.” He was there.  I let myself have moments of despair and hopelessness, where I questioned everything.  I even questioned God.  He let me. 

As I emerged from the other side, I realized several things.  There is nothing more important than where I spend eternity.  Death can happen so quickly no matter what age, would I be ready if it happened today?  Do I have the assurance of being with Jesus in heaven when that day comes for me?  What about the ones I love, have I shared the gospel with them?  Have I told them about the saving grace of God and have they had the opportunity to know Him?  Do I love those around me well?  Do they know I love them? 

For those that will pass on that have a relationship with Christ, I can be comforted in knowing that in heaven ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Rev 21:4)

I found that going through this was a training ground for me to be able to comfort someone else.  Not very long after my cousin passed away, one of my dear friends lost her husband to a tragic accident, he too was only twenty nine.  I have no doubt in my mind that the lessons I learned through my own grief enabled me to be a better comforter to her when she needed someone.

The final lesson took me a while to really grasp, years actually.  Crystal loved me and because of that love she would want the best for me.  She would want me to be happy.  She would want me to remember her but not in a depressing way, she would want me to laugh and remember the good times we all shared.  She would never want her death to be the cause of me not living life to the fullest, becoming hopeless, and dwelling too much on the past. 

So this Christmas season I just want to share with you that it does get better.  No of course it never goes away, you don’t just “get over” losing someone you love.  You just get a little tougher and press forward.  You learn to cope with it.  The things I’ve shared are what have made me stronger through the grief.  As I said everyone’s grief is different, I don’t claim to know exactly how someone else feels.  But my sincere hope for sharing this story is to comfort and encourage those of you that may be suffering right now. Don’t waste your life by letting grief overwhelm you. I believe God and our lost loved ones want us to truly live and do so with joy while we are on earth.  If you can’t find the strength to do it for yourself right now, do it for them.  I hope each of you have a blessed Christmas and make many more beautiful memories with the friends and family you have, please don’t take life for granted.