Last Week On Self-Control

Last week I challenged myself to focus on the fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians 5:23-25.  I chose to work on self-control especially in regards to being negative.  It has been a long week!  I know for me personally I tend to struggle with self-control regarding negativity at work the most.  Things are always easier when I’m at home and isolated.  I can sip my coffee, read the bible, and meditate, while feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.  However when I get out into the world that is where I meet:   bad drivers, challenging personalities, and unhappy “customers.”  That is when this area of self-control is very hard to demonstrate.  This week I have faced many challenges and challenging people.  How did my experiment on self-control go?  I am a work in progress!  Let’s just say I had some great moments, and I totally FLOPPED on some!  Believe me I wish I could be more specific with you but some things I just can’t share on the blog.  But I do have to say when I focus on one thing in particular it helps me to be mindful of my actions more.  I didn’t expect to be cured in a week of negativity but I have some take away from it all. Because my negativity has become a habit and habits do not die easily.  I do recognize some things though.  I have a job that can be extremely stressful one minute and very boring the next.  I am a communications officer, most commonly known as, a dispatcher.  During my high stress times I recognize I am more apt to not demonstrate self-control and get snippy with people around me.  I also recognize when I am very tired I tend to lack self-control, I feel weakened and I’m not as alert to spiritual pit falls.  I believe that when I get into these types of situations I go into “auto-pilot.” I revert back to what is easiest and is most natural to me.  And unfortunately since I have developed a habit that happens to be a negative one, those ugly sides of my personality pop out most often when I am weakened in some way and not on guard. 

But these problems aren’t unique to me; it is a part of the human condition, the battle between the Spirit of God and the flesh.  As Paul speaks about it Romans 7:21-25, “So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.  For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.  What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?  Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!  So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.”  The whole chapter 7 in Romans always encourages me and explains how I often feel when I battle with sin.  I desire to do well but often times I do not succeed.  Does that mean I should stop striving and just give up?  Not at all, I continue to seek God’s will and His direction, and most importantly His help in becoming the person He is shaping me to be.  And thank God that there is “now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”  I do not have to feel condemned over my shortcomings but I can continually bring them to God in prayer, acknowledging them and asking for His help to overcome the issues.  I know this blog isn’t particularly exciting today, but I promised last week to share how my week went with the fruits of the Spirit; I hope yours went well with the one you chose!  And as always if you have any questions or want to share how your week went with the fruits, email me!  God bless!

The Death of a Dream Doesn’t Have to Mean the Death of My Faith

Over the last several years I have faced many forms of death;   death of loved ones, dreams, ambitions, and relationships.  And quite honestly with every death that came, I felt like a little bit of my hope died too.  With every prayer I prayed that went unanswered it also felt like a little part of my faith died as well.  I knew the God that was there when everything was going great in my life, but I had forgotten about the God that was with me in the grief-stricken, disappointing, and uncertain times.   When I was a new believer I was so excited about salvation and learning all about what the bible said and who God was.  But as the years moved on and I matured in my faith, harder trials came, some of them felt devastating.  That child-like faith I started with often became doubtful when I faced the confusion of unanswered prayers.    Some prayers were not that big of a deal to me when unanswered, things like minor money issues or whether to go back to college.  But when I prayed for a loved one to live and not die, for the salvation others, for healing to come and it didn’t…those were the tough ones.  Those were the ones that threatened to stop my faith in its tracks.  Those were the ones that have kept me up at night struggling to understand, why? 

I still don’t have all of the answers.  But as time has moved on and I have some distance from these events, I have continued to have more clarity.  I remember in my darkest times, when grief was so strong all I could do was put my head in my hands and sob, crying out to God, His presence was there.  He did not leave me, He was listening, and He was a comfort to me.  No, He didn’t always give me the answers I asked for, but He was there.  And He also illuminated His Word when I needed it most.  Many days the scripture I clung to was, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

As time went on, a little bit of hope grew.  Every day my prayers got a little more confident.  But it is still a work in progress.  I am learning about perseverance with God and how much deeper my faith can grow.  I have seen how being stripped of so many things can show me if I am totally relying on Him or not.  And as hard as it is for this control-freak, I have gotten to a place where I trust that He does have all of the answers, whether He shares them with me or not is irrelevant.   All I stand on is the truth that, He is.  Some days I handle this better than others.   During my time in the wilderness He gave me this scripture, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”  Isaiah 43:18-20.  Words cannot describe in that moment the hope it gave to me.  And when I start feeling discouraged again, I return to this promise and it gives me peace.  I don’t have to stop asking God for all of my desires because of fear He will remain silent.  There have been countless times he has answered my prayers.  As I continue on this journey, I am learning more and more that the death of a dream doesn’t have to mean the death of my faith. 

Negativity Destroys The Fruit Of The Spirit

So, if I’m being honest, I have a problem with negativity.  It’s not something that just popped up overnight.  I have struggled with this for most of my life.  I seem to naturally gravitate toward seeing the flaws in situations, in others, and in myself.  And to continue on this negative path…I HATE IT!   Deep inside that little voice of the Holy Spirit tells me negativity is not God honoring, not productive, and most importantly not loving. 

I wish this blog post was me telling you that negativity is a battle I have already won.  A bridge I have already crossed over into the sunny and wonderful land of POSITIVITY!  But I can’t.  It is a war I am actively engaged in.  Some days I win the battle, some days I lose.  But the entirety of the war is very much ongoing.

Can you relate?

Surely someone out there can admit that in your worst negative moments you also want to push Miss Susie Sunshine out of a fifth floor window!  Okay maybe something less drastic?  How about someone says something hurtful to you and it overshadows everything good about that person and all you can dwell on is their undesirable qualities?  Worse yet, you share those negative criticisms with other people, which could poison their opinion of that person. Or maybe you are invited to a place where you won’t know many people and instead of being positive about the new opportunity all you can think to yourself is, no one will probably like me anyway, so you don’t go.  Or when you pray about a situation you don’t really believe that God will give you what you ask, He didn’t answer my prayers about healing aunt Patty, He didn’t give me that job promotion I prayed for last year, I didn’t get that ministry position in the church.

Do any of those thoughts seem like familiar patterns that run through your mind?

The problem is the internal issue of negativity always finds its way to the external.  It dominates every reaction you have whether verbal or non-verbal.  And when we take a look at other words that are cousins to “negative” we start seeing the real picture.  Undesirable, harmful, adverse, unenthusiastic, unconstructive, downbeat, discouraging, depressing…the list goes on and on.  I know unenthusiastic hit a special nerve with me, I could definitely describe myself in that way many days. 

Do any of those words sound in line with scripture? 

The scripture from Galatians regarding the fruit of the Spirit is a perfect example of negativity being at odds with spiritual matters.  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” Galatians 5:23-25

Or what about 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter?

Now I am not saying that we should just go through life not acknowledging that there are people that would do us harm, that we may have personal problems, and tragedies happen.  I believe God also wants us to be genuine and real.  People don’t relate well to others that seem to live their lives in little plastic bubbles, immune to the hardships in the world pretending everything is perfect, at least I don’t.  Those people fall into the same category of Miss Susie Sunshine whom I want to push out of that fifth story window…oh did I say that again? I hope you all know I wouldn’t really push anyone out of a window…how about a good eye roll instead?  I often meditate on what exactly Jesus meant when he told the disciples in Matthew 10:16, “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.”  Seems like to me reading God’s word there is a way to be real about life while also not being Negative Nancy twenty-four-hours-a-day.  As with many things I have found regarding scripture, there needs to be balance.  There can be more balance when we let God’s Spirit guide us more than our flesh.  How do we do that?  Not to sound like a broken record but prayer and reading the bible are two solid ways to continue to grow and know what the Spirit is telling us. 

So here is a thought or challenge to you, pick just one “fruit of the Spirit” from Galatians and work on it this week.  Focus on it, read scriptures about that spiritual gift, journal if you have to and see by next Monday if your attitude has been helped any.  I’ll do it with you, I have no idea what the results might be, I’ve never tried it before but I’ll write about it on Monday.  I think I will pick self-control, God help me!  I would love to hear from you on how it goes, post comments on the blog or if you want to just share with me privately, email me at smithbl144@gmail.com, none of what you tell me via email will be shared publicly. 

So in closing there are 3 things I wanted this blog to accomplish:

1. For those of you who never thought your negative slant on life  was a problem: Recognize it as a problem!

2. If you are negative know that: You are not alone!

3. Now that you know that you aren’t alone:  Do something about it!

I hope you all have a great week and remember:

NEGATIVITY DESTROYS THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT

Pondering Pocahontas

Many years ago as a young child and to my absolute joy, I was told I was related to Pocahontas (the daughter to Native American chief Powhatan) on my mother’s side.  She was my great, great, great times a bazillion grandmother.  When I attended elementary school I remember telling my classmates about the family relationship, many didn’t believe me.  Heartbroken I went home that day and asked mom for the typed piece of paper that explained the connection out of the family documents. With the piece of paper I could prove I was not making up stories.  I showed up the next day and in defense of my honor, proudly gave the document to my teacher.  In turn she confirmed to the class, that in fact, Brandy Smith was not a BIG FAT LIAR and Brandy Smith must be pretty cool because she is related to Pocahontas.  All of this was well received, with my pride restored I carried on with life.  As the years went on, I kept the interesting story close to my heart.  Every now and then it came up in conversation and I would retell the story I was related to Pocahontas.  Because Pocahontas’ story was part of my story I wanted to learn more about her life.  I also developed a pet peeve because most people think she married John Smith when she actually only saved his life, Pocahontas married John Rolfe.  And by the way thanks Disney for perpetuating the inaccuracy with your cartoon movie, shame, shame! 

As time went on and I became an adult, I asked my mom if I could glance at the document containing our lineage on it once more.  When she found it and I looked it over, I was surprised at the skepticism that jumped up inside of me.  Granted it was many years ago it was typed out and on one of those pesky type writers that are practically extinct now.  But what I saw was a messy document full of misspelled characters and unprofessional spacing.  As a child I never noticed this, actually it looked pretty formal back then when I didn’t even own a typewriter.  So I inquired if mom knew who wrote it and who researched our family tree, she wasn’t sure.  Now my cynical nature was in full force.  In 2010 mom and I finally made our first trip to the Jamestown settlement on the eastern coast of Virginia.  While we were in the visitor center we went into the gift shop, promptly located a book on the lineage of Pocahontas and scanned the pages.  Turning through them with anticipation, we came to Q, R, S, there is the S…is my mother’s maiden name Slate listed?  That would be a NEGATIVE.  No mention of ANY Slate family as descendants of Pocahontas.  There were a few names that matched what that old sheet of paper had listed but somewhere along the way something had went wrong in the research of our family tree.  My claim to fame was over!

So like a lot of families all around me, mine is nothing special.  We don’t come from a long line of royalty, or an insanely rich entrepreneur, and no celebrities return home for Christmas dinner.  It seems as if the world we live in attributes these things as being special, worthwhile, and praise-worthy.  And many times I can get caught up in the mind set myself.  We race around trying to get to the next big accomplishment, milestone, or job title.  But when I return to the word of God I am reminded of how God sees these things.  In 1 Corinthians 1:27 it says,” But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.”  God can and does use what the world considers ordinary or weak.  I often come back to a portion of Scripture in 2 Samuel 7:18 describing David’s reflections about his position.  “Then King David went in and sat before the Lord, and he said:  ‘who am I, Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?’”  I am not a king and I can still relate to this thought, who am I Lord?  And I know the answer, I am NO ONE.  Please don’t misunderstand my intent; I am not bashing myself or my family.  But in the grand scheme of things, I really am what the world would call a “nobody.”  Even by biblical standards of the Old Testament I am considered a Gentile, unworthy, and with no hope of salvation under the law.   But in God’s loving kindness He has given me, a Gentile, the way to become a child of God.   By the atoning sacrifice that Jesus made by suffering crucifixion for the sins of the world.  Jesus’ death and resurrection brought salvation to anyone that puts their faith in Him.  And when I think about my family and the life I was living, I ask “Who am I Lord and what is my family that you have brought me this far?”  Salvation is the best and most important gift I have ever received.  It is something I did not earn and I did not deserve.  It brings me comfort to know that God loves the nobodies, the ordinary, and the weak. 

 

Why Eye On The Sparrow 91?

First of all I would like to thank those of you who have been so kind to me already in this new adventure.  As I continue on this blog journey I want to take the time throughout the postings to give a little background information on my testimony and how I came to know Christ.  Also to explain other purposes for the blog itself as time goes on.  As for my testimony it is a bit long!  So I'm still working on getting that written in a way that is easy to understand and getting all of the main points in. 
Today I just wanted to share why the blog is Eye On The Sparrow 91.  Most of you are probably familiar with the scripture from Luke 12:6-8; "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.  Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."  I have always been touched by that scripture and also love the song associated with it, "His Eye Is On The Sparrow."  If you are not familiar with the song look it up!  It's awesome!  One of my favorite versions of it is actually off of Sister Act 2 sang by Lauryn Hill, I heard it before I ever even knew Christ. For me this scripture always reminds me of how God loves me and supports me, whether man does or not.  I know how insignificant I feel mixed in with a sea of people all over this world, but He knows me.  Nothing in my life goes un-noticed by the God that created me and fights for me. 
And I admit the 91 part kind of came in later when I discovered that a lot of other people must like eye on the sparrow!  Psalm 91 is my FAVORITE Psalm.  Maybe as time goes on and I get a little used to this blogging business I'll be cool enough to come up with a more "catchy" name, but for now this will do just perfectly.  God Bless

Lessons From The Ladies' Room

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?  Or am I trying to please people?  If I were trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."  Galatians 1:10 NIV

Trapped…in a bathroom stall…with a long line waiting…

I couldn’t believe the predicament I found myself in at a Christian women’s conference with thousands of women in attendance.  Thousands of women meant lines and lines of them trying to get a bathroom break in.   I knew I shouldn’t have gone into this stall, after I saw the girl before me struggle to get the door open.  However, not going in meant holding the line up;  meant letting someone else go ahead of me and I had more speakers to get back to.   So there I was, looking at the blue tape that was covering part of the latch to the door.   It was just another indicator that something was wrong with this stall, I turned the knob and started pulling the door from the top and the bottom; nothing was happening.  I kept pulling…then as the women outside began to notice my plight I heard one of them say she was coming to help.  She pulled…nothing.  As my situation continued to deteriorate, I backed up and hovered over the commode, making the suggestion for her to try to kick it open.  So she kicks it, not once, not twice, but three times and it doesn’t open!  It’s still holding steady, at this juncture with no other options in sight they start telling me to crawl on the floor to get out.  I look down, the floor is not looking very appealing, the thoughts of what’s been on the floor flowing through my mind.  I decide to take a moment and re-assess the situation.  I look at the blue tape on the latch, I move it around a little, and there between the tape I see a metal bar going from the turn handle into the latch-hole.  YES, you guessed it; the door was still locked!  Apparently when I turned the knob it didn’t actually unlock the door.  Now that the problem had been diagnosed, I made the split second decision that this was not the time I felt like bearing my soul to the bathroom ladies.  So with my best “trapped girl gets free,” impression I unlock the door and jerk it open with a sigh of relief.  I extend my gratitude to a random group of girls in line with a half wave and a quick “hey thanks for trying to help,” comment and make my way to the sink.  Mumbled my way through a conversation with another girl at the sink about how I’m glad I didn’t have to crawl on the floor and how I saw the girl before me have trouble getting out.   While stifling my own laughter and practically running back to my seat to tell my friends how stupid I was, I left the bathroom still not knowing who may have torn their meniscus while trying to kick me to freedom.   But lady whoever you are “bless your little heart,” people with no common sense in this world need help too. 

Alright, so all joking aside, I found a spiritual lesson from this little jewel of an experience.  Being a people-follower and not a God-follower…just like I went into this bathroom stall thinking there was already something wrong with the door based on watching someone else; I often look at situations from the wrong point of view.  Most of us tend to be followers by nature.   Watching what everyone else is doing and then trying our best to follow what we think is “normal.”  I was reminded by this experience, watching someone else doesn’t always lead me to the correct conclusions about what is truly going on around me.  As a believer in Christ I am told that “when they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” 2 Corinthians 10:12 NIV.   True, there may have been something deceiving about that door, but I am to focus on what is in front of me and pay attention to details that are confronting me.  When I find myself in any situation I am supposed to look up to Him and not around.  God is in control of the other person’s situation just like He is in control of mine.  And if I lose sight of my own surroundings because I am too busy monitoring everyone else, I open myself up to falsehood.  I may come to a cross-road in life where I have to choose which direction to go and people may actually be encouraging me to go the wrong way.  Circumstances aren’t always how they appear with human behavior but with prayer and holding God’s Word up to it; clarity can be found.

God's Sovereignty Is My Certainty

 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”  John 11:25-26 NIV

 

How many things does God shield me from?  I may see the deer bounding off of the hill toward my vehicle make the last second turn in the opposite direction.  But what near disasters do I never see?  Every day potential hazards surround me, whether just off of the roadway, or while I walk casually down a side walk.  He knows the number of days I have been given.  And I rest in His peace until it is my day to go home.

God's sovereignty is my certainty.