I'll Be Happy When...

“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.”
1 Timothy 6:6-7 NIV

Lying on the couch looking up at the ceiling, it was late, and a very quiet night. I was talking to God, my steady friend. As I scanned the living room my thoughts drifted to how excited I was to buy my home several years ago, and now I was in the process of trying to sell it. Things change. Some days it feels like everything changes. I’ve come to learn in this life that so many things I wanted and even received didn’t bring lasting happiness or contentment. A job, a house, a mate, and children are all important things in life. However, the lists of things I have a tendency to equate with “I’ll be happy when,” really don’t bring permanent satisfaction. It’s not that I’m never happy, I’m happy most days. But I know I can’t be the only one that almost inadvertently has that,”to do” list in my mind. The list of things I want in my life and secretly feel like if I can just “have that” then I’ll be satisfied. And when I’m not careful I let that goal oriented part of me control my actions and my mindset about how happy I feel. I’ve been blessed to have received many of those things I longed for and thought would be the gateway to ultimate happiness, only to find out once the newness wears off I am still left searching. I truly believe that the only relentless thing in my life is God. Where I live and where I work may change. People that I love dearly will one day pass away. But my God will remain. When I’m focused on Him I’m truly content, when I take my eyes off of Him that’s when I start to long for other things and falsely believe they will fill me.

Abraham Lincoln once said,” Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” I’m learning more and more every day to try to live in the present. To not let stress, anxiety, or my planning nature dictate my happiness. Even though I often try to de-throne God with my control-freak ways, He is managing my life. I’m learning to trust Him to do it, without standing in the way. Contentment is for me now, not later, if I will let God be my source no matter the circumstances.