Surviving Singledom On Valentine's Day

The people that know me best know my history with Valentine’s Day.  Although I date regularly I haven’t been in a “long-term” relationship for a number of years which usually equals no Valentine for me when February rolls around.  There is no pre-planning on my part to be single on Valentine’s Day, no purposeful avoidance of having to get someone a gift, and until right now I had never even thought much about it.  But I just realized I seem to be in between dating a lot when the V-day comes up... am I allergic to dating in February?  I’ll have to think that one through at a later date. Anyway this brings me to the whole point of this blog, to share my much earned experience on the topic of…SINGLEDOM on the day of love. 

Sure every now and then we all enjoy a nice little pity party but I want to encourage you to not make Valentine’s day into one of them.  If you are single for whatever reason when the dawn of February 14^th arises, know that there are plenty of reasons to be happy and thankful.  I hate how society appears to deem singleness as some type of unwanted and lesser state than being a couple.  I will scream my dissent!  I have enjoyed some of the absolute best years of my life being single! I believe there are all kinds of seasons in life and God wants us to squeeze every bit of blessing out of whichever one we find ourselves in.  One season isn’t always better than the other, they are just different. 

So if your current season is as a single don’t let the Valentine’s hype make you feel depressed.  There are plenty of things you can do on that day.  Most importantly I believe in order to stop dwelling on how lonely you may feel, start thinking about what you can do for other people.  Surely you know people that are single and maybe even widowed that will struggle through the holiday.  Wouldn’t your time be better spent showing the other people in your life how much you care about them on Valentine’s Day instead of sitting around thinking about being alone? 

In years past I have mailed Valentine’s cards to different friends whether married or single to show them I love them.  I have taken flowers to elderly ladies that were shut-ins from my church on Valentine’s Day.  I always get my mom, dad, and my grandmother a card, flowers, or chocolate, Disclaimer: if you think this is lame, I don’t care. This year my parents and I talked about going out to dinner and one of my friends invited me out for a group bowling trip that night.  I’m not spilling all of this to puff myself up about acts of service, I just truly want to give you examples of things you can do too.  I can attest that on those holidays that I have focused on things I could do for other people I didn’t feel the slightest bit of loneliness or discontentment.  A great thing has happened along with me trying to give to others, quite often people think of me too.  I’ve received a lot of love from my friends and family in various ways that I was so grateful for because of course everyone wants to know someone loves them on Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day is a holiday about love.  Romantic love is just a portion of the many different loves in our lives.  I personally view it as a day that I can show love in all of my relationships.  So if you are married, then by all means show some love to your spouse.  If you have children, show them how much you care.  If you are single, express your love for the special people in your life.  But please, please, don’t let the holiday open up the door for that pity party!  Don’t sit around and mope over what you don’t have when you already possess so much! 

Making Mud Pies

Several springs ago in Southwest Virginia we had a month that was especially rainy.  It seemed like everything was drenched for days.  So when the clouds finally broke and the first sunny day came along I couldn’t wait to get outside.  I went down to my favorite place to walk, Bissett park where half of the trail runs along the bank of the New River.  I was feeling serene and ready to spend some time with God in prayer and just soak up nature. Taking in the beauty all around me, I parked in the first picnic shelter lot and slowly made my way toward the asphalt trail. As I started walking on the side where the river was I thought I would find a good place to go off of the trail to get closer to the water’s edge.  Finding an open grassy area that didn’t look too steep, I commenced cautiously inching my way down the bank toward the water.  Before my mind was able to process what was happening I felt my tennis shoes flying out from under me.  Maaaaan down!  Not only did I land on my behind but I was now continuing my descent down the embankment toward the river!  Coming to rest just short of the water, I was finally able to get up and assess the damage.  Thankfully I wasn’t physically hurt, my pride, however, wasn’t as fortunate.  I turned my head as best as I could to look myself over, only to discover mud all over my butt and all the way up my back.  I hadn’t thought about all of the rain making the embankment a mud pit that was simply camouflaged by the grass. 

At this point I’m laughing hysterically.  I make my way back up the hill, looking around to see if any lucky passerby saw the whole spectacle.  As far as I could tell, I was unnoticed.  Needless to say my “spiritual” mood had left me and with my entire back covered in drying mud the only self-respecting thing I had left to do was to go directly back to my car and make my exit.  But before pulling away I sat in the car and laughed some more because I had literally just parked, walked to the river, fell, got back up and went straight back to the car within a matter of minutes.  That was the shortest trip I had ever had to the park.  So much for all of that God time I set out to have!

This kind of thing happens to me pretty often, rolling around in mud you ask…no, obviously not in such drastic terms.  Those are reserved for my truly special moments in life.  No what I mean is in more subtle ways. I start my day off with my “spiritual goggles” on; I’m looking for God and seeking to spend time with Him.  My intentions are in the right place but sometimes my day gets out of control so quickly I don’t have time to react.  I get distracted and it’s only when I lay my head down at night I realize how the God time got replaced by everything else demanding my attention. 

Or on the days I do start off on the right foot with prayer and the Word, I may fall into that mud later when I say or do the wrong thing.  Oh and on my worst days I end up wallowing in that mud pit just like a pig!  But thank God He tells me in His Word that even when I’m covered in the proverbial mud of my sin I do not have to make my home in the pit. 

“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” (Ps 40:2) He says I am His child, an heir to His kingdom! (Rom 8:17) I am more than a conqueror! (Rom 8:37) That I don’t have to have a spirit of fear or timidity, but one of power, love, and a sound mind!  (2 Tim 1:7) He formed me in my mother’s womb, and He knows what I am going to say before the words are formed on my tongue! (Ps 139)  I am forgiven, and when I mess up I keep asking Him for the grace to wash me clean of my mistakes!  And just like the woman in Proverbs 31 I can laugh at the days to come!  (Prov 31:25)  I’ve learned it gets easier to just giggle at myself, pick up, and carry on another day!

But what about you?  What are you telling yourself when you fall into that mud?  If it’s not speaking the truth of WHO YOU ARE in Christ then you are setting yourself up for the condemnation of the enemy.  Learn to laugh at the things life throws at you and claim the truth of God’s Word over yourself.  My friend, there is no mud hole too deep that the grace of God can’t lift you out of.  Ask Him.